It was kind of nice to be there, really. It's slowing down to normal again, and just nice to mingle with people.
I gave up on the library book - I couldn't even get through a page without getting interrupted, so I couldn't get anywhere. It's hard to stay interested that way.
I've always liked Garrison Keilor as a story teller, but I've never really enjoyed his books for some reason. Too much potty humor or something...
Anyway, the one penny books from Amazon have started to trickle in, so I'm good for a while now.
This song has been on my mind a lot lately - with all that's been going on around here, it's been kind of hard to feel any Christmas Spirit. Faith Hill
My girlies begged me on Sunday to have another card making day. They'll be here tomorrow night, so maybe we'll do that - I've been wanting to do it too... I have some new gadgets for them to play with - it will be fun.
Going in for another ultra-sound tonight to see if my little lump is breaking up on it's own, or if it has to be drained (ick.)
I'm all for quick and easy solutions. . "Holly and mistletoe Candles and bells, I know the message That each of you tells." - Leland B. Jacobs, Mrs. Ritters First Grade Critters
Not much to say today, went to the doctor again and demanded some attention - so glad I did. I finally feel like I got the answers I've been looking for.
Hubby finally went back to work - now I can concentrate on my Christmas preparations. I picked up one more item while I was out - now I'll do some wrapping and tallying, get some cards in the mail.
Then who knows, maybe a nap will be in order.
And later that same day...
I was thinking today, as I wrapped a few gifts, what a boring December Daily this will be! It may not even make it to the album stage...
Last night I got an angry phone call from a sister who hadn't got the message about hubby's dad until just then. She let me know that she would have liked to come to the funeral.
What can I say? I posted on Facebook and here and figured that everyone would be covered - I guess I just forgot to take into account that not everyone is an internet junkie like me.
*Blush*
On the other side of the coin is my hubby's family - I just have to tell one of them, and not only the whole family - but the entire town knows within 5 minutes! (I kid you not.)
...Didn't even call hubby after the doctor visit, because I ran into his sister at Walmart.
I'm sure he knows by now. ^.^
As I was looking around at Walmart, I found a DVD compilation of Christmas specials from old shows such as "I Love Lucy" and "Leave it to Beaver."
Where are the ones from Murphy Brown, Newhart, or Home Improvement? That is one that I would buy.
I'm sorry, but I'm getting a little tired of all the sappy made for TV movies - 90% of which the holiday is in grave danger and has to be "saved." Oy - sometimes I'm inclined to believe my son's theory that there is only one writer left out there, and he's not paid well enough to have a new idea.
Maybe I can talk hubby into going for a drive to look at the lights...
"Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat. Please put a penny in the old man's hat. If you haven't got a penny, a half penny will do. If you haven't got a half penny, then God bless you." - Traditional English Christmas rhyme .
The funeral is over. It went very well - such a nice day. So many friends and family, it was so good to see them all. Brad played his piano piece perfectly, and everything fell into place. Such a lovely tribute to a life well lived.
...And that sheet music that we searched the entire state for - tried so desperately to find someone to sing or play to no avail - showed up in the mail yesterday. After the funeral.
Hilarious.
The kids all made it home safely last night. It was really hard to let them go - but they have lives of their own now.
In the news -
I've been following the Elizabeth Smart case on the news. Having a son who works at the Federal Court building is very convenient - he has been able to sit in on a few of the court sessions. He was there the day that Elizabeth testified. He said he was very impressed with the way she handled herself.
He missed the day that she got up and walked out during the (lawyer?'s) testimony, but he said that he knew the man and talked with him later - he said that he hated having to say the things he said, but that he was bound by law to do so.
...And of course, the defendant is acting out - trying to play the insanity card, no doubt. (If he's in a snit - you must acquit.)
Can't wait until the trial is over, I plan to grill my son and get all the details.
Going to try to get in to the Dr. today, still not feeling up to par...
Things are slowing down at work already - they very kindly gave me a few days off to decompress.
Hoping for a quiet week. . God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day ....Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.
Confucious say; Best to keep words sweet for you may have to eat them.
Just a quick one today - (today since it's officially after midnight.) I'm going to have to take back what I said about viewings. At least this one. As much as I was dreading it, it turned out to be a pretty wonderful evening.
So many people came to pay their respects - friends, neighbors, co-workers, relatives we haven't seen in a coon's age. Happy happy reunions, hugs, and tears. Feeling the love.
I've been trying to sleep, but sleep won't come. Funeral tomorrow - busy busy day. Then off to the airport for the son, and back to college for the daughter.
Arrivals and partings -
Life. . "How bittersweet it is, on winter's night, To listen, by the sputtering, smoking fire, As distant memories, through the fog-dimmed light, Rise, to the muffled chime of churchbell choir." - Charles Baudelaire, The Cracked Bell
...Even though today is the viewing (which, may I go on record as saying I hate. I understand people need them for closure, but to the immediate family, they can feel like cruel and unusual punishment.)
My children are all home and safe, even though Brad flew home practically alone on a small rickety jet, and though when Melissa went to Ephraim to pick up Jenny, and as they were loading the car, they placed her sketchbook on the roof while getting everything else situated - and you guessed it - it stayed there. ...But not for long.
They didn't even realize it until they got all the way home and unpacked everything.
Jenny anxiously called her room mate to go find it - yep, it was still there in the road, luckily undamaged. She needed it to do her final project, and couldn't be persuaded to a plan B (buy a new one,) So I donned my shoes, grabbed the keys, and grudgingly headed off down the road, repentant daughter in tow.
I've been at a boiling point all day - nerves, blood pressure, tension, etc. so it was good for me to get out of there. I was so tense in fact, that I couldn't even speak.
Fearing that my daughter would think I was angry, I told her that if she wanted to sing or something, I was okay with that - I just didn't feel like talking. (And she was plugged in to her headphones anyway.)
We made the entire trip in silence. A first.
Something about that drive is so good for me. All the open spaces, and watching the storms move across the sky - it calms me. By the time we reached her apartment, I was able to be civil. We had lunch at McDonald's (I had been to upset to eat earlier, and was starving.) On the ride back home, we happily chatted and got caught up on what's been going on in her life.
~*~
I started reading "The Christmas Blizzard" by Garrison Keilor this week (keeping a Christmas novel on the night stand at all times this month - finished the last one, and the next is still in the mail, so I found this at the library.)
Haven't been able to get far, but the first couple of chapters are a perfect description of how I've been feeling lately...
"The snow and the cold, the bleakness of light, the sheer horror of 'The Little Drummer Boy' coming at you when you least expected it"
"Mr. Sparrow wished that the mice would carry Clara away and lock her in a dungeon and that the Hallelujah Chorus could be embargoed for ten years and that Tiny Tim would learn a useful trade and stop blessing everyone."
Well, you get the idea, but gosh darn it - I don't want to feel that way. It's Christmas, and I want some Christmas cheer!
Jenny is home now, with her incessant chatter that could coax the hind leg off a mule, and Brad is here with his interesting and humorous stories - there's always so much laughter when Brad is home.
No matter what else happens, today will be a good day.
"I heard a bird sing In the dark of December A magical thing And sweet to remember.
'We are nearer to Spring Than we were in September,' I heard a bird sing In the dark of December." - Oliver Herford, I Heard a Bird Sing .
There is never a good time for a funeral, but during the holidays it seems to be extra stressful.
Hubby and DD have had extra time off, and have been under foot and undermining my regular routine while I'm trying to bring some order to the house, or they are gone and leaving me feeling anxious and feeling like I should do something to help, but not really knowing what.
Christmas planning has been put on hold.
We've been going nuts trying to find a copy of a song that hubby wants sung. We have called or shopped every music store in the state it seems, and we get the same story from all of them - "We had that in stock, but we sold out yesterday."
...I'm beginning to think that grandpa doesn't like that song and is putting the kibosh on it.
On top of everything else, a member of the bishop-rick came by the other night, (the night Oral passed away, in fact,) and asked have I done this for the music, and did I get so-and-so to come and sing - and when can he be here...
It's a small thing, I know, and something I have been working on, but at that moment it just pushed me right over the edge. I have been a basket case ever since feeling the pressure of it all.
I'm so behind on the house because every time I go to do dishes or something, someone wants me to run here, or call someone, so before you know it - I have dishes in the sink from last Thursday...
While I was making dinner the other night, I had this fantasy of turning on the Nutcracker ballet, and dipping chocolates in my frilly apron and pearl necklace.
...Just so you know, that is not me - that has never been me, but it was such a comforting thought at the time.
Gathering day today - getting everyone home. Melissa went to pick up Jenny from school, and Brad will fly in tonight. It's the end of the term for both, and the timing couldn't be worse for them, but we don't get to have a say in these things, do we?
My neighbor helped the family write a dialog for the funeral until 1 am last night. I read through it this morning, and it is so nice. It will be a great tribute.
I've been wanting to tell the family, but haven't found the right moment yet, what a great example Oral was to my dad. It wasn't until he met him that he realized what a father could be - and he tried so hard to be better afterwards. I'm really grateful for him too, he made hubby the person that he is, and he gave me my dad.
"In the bleak mid-winter Frosty wind made moan, Earth stood hard as iron, Water like a stone; Snow had fallen, snow on snow, Snow on snow, In the bleak mid-winter, Long ago." - Christmas Carol .
P.S. Just in case you might want to know, I've been getting the December quotes from a site called December, Compiled by Michael P. Garofalo, Valley Spirit Center, Red Bluff, California. Awesome - I love it.
So many Christmases have passed, and so many precious memories lost of when our kids were small - wouldn't it be great if all those Decembers had been documented? ...All the Christmas concerts, all the letters to Santa, all the Christmas morning reactions?
Maybe this isn't the best year to start this tradition - with the father-in-laws' passing, the job loss, etc. But you know, things are learned, and relationships strengthen during hard times, so why not record those too?
Life is not always a bed of roses - sometimes it's a mess, and we have to figure out on our own how to survive it.
Anyway, I haven't got an album put together, or time in which to do one now, but I can start recording each December day, and later when I'm out of work again and wondering what to do with myself, I can pull from the thoughts jotted here and pick and choose which ones we may want to keep.
Frustrations today - hubby is finalizing funeral arrangements.
When we woke up this morning, we each found a note from our son in our email boxes. He had not only composed a song for his grandpa during the night, but he recorded it, and transcribed the sheet music to go with it. (Poor boy, I wonder - did he sleep last night?) I wish I knew how to share it here - it is so beautiful!
As for me, I'm be cleaning house, doing laundry, and fussing with the computer trying to get the Sunday music printed. (Grrrr - computers are so awesome - when they work. >.< ) ...A little cyber shopping on the side.
Things are looking up here, there's hope for the Christmas mess - it's starting to clear up now.
Off to the library - I need another book... .
"The holly and the ivy, When they are both full grown, Of all trees that are in the wood, The holly bears the crown: O, the rising of the sun, And the running of the deer The playing of the merry organ, Sweet singing in the choir." - Christmas Carol
At 9:25 this morning, Grandpa's earthly body finally succumbed to age and disease.
His spirit, however, is alive and strong somewhere - I have no doubt. I have never seen anyone fight so hard to stay on this earth - such a strong love for home and family, that he just refused to go so many times before...
Rest in peace Grandpa Taylor - you have justly earned your reward.
"Come, come thou bleak December wind, And blow the dry leaves from the tree! Flash, like a Love-thought, thro'me, Death And take a Life that wearies me." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1772-1834, Fragment 3 .
Woke up with a bee in my bonnet the other day - getting anxious about Christmas and getting things finished up. I made a list and went shopping, but at the end of the day, while chatting with my daughter, I discovered that I didn't do well at all. :-(
When will I learn that impulsive actions almost always go awry...
There's a whole month to go, I know, but only one more paycheck - and my hours at work are getting cut back already. It's going to be a lean year this year.
This has been a different sort of week - hubby has been spending his nights with his folks - he switched days with his sisters so that he could have some time at home on the weekends. I don't know how he keeps it all together with his crazy schedule - but he does.
He took half the day off yesterday, and actually spent it with me! Okay, so he was messing up the basement with his Christmas crap again, but sometimes that's the price one has to pay...
We sat and talked some - no TV, no phones or computer. (Wow - how long has it been since we did that?) We talked about the situation with his parents - we're worried about his mom, she seems to be going off the deep end - and he asked me the "why" question... Why his dad has to linger and suffer so much?
That's it, isn't it? The ultimate question.
I wondered the same thing so many times when it was my mom wasting away in a hospital bed.
Later, as I was flipping through my notebook looking for a blank page to write my grocery list on - I found the answer. (No empty pages, but plenty of quotes!) I found this one by Joseph B. Worthlin;
"Our adversity not only precedes our glory - it produces it."
There's so much in this world that we don't understand. I always felt that there was some kind of purification process going on with mom - like the good life that she led was being sanctified for the eternities by what she went through. ...Or was the trial more for us - the ones left behind? I know that it unified us as a family, as it is with hubby's kin.
Some questions will never be answered until the next life, when we can ask the One who's in charge of it all...
I started another painting last night - the third in a set of 3. I hope this one goes better. I'm beginning to think that the tole fairy died... (She used to come and "fix" my work while I was sleeping.)
...And I finished my book - Six Geese a Slaying. It ended well, but it sure took a long time to get there! I almost didn't make it LOL!
Sitting in my jammies this morning, watching it snow and dreading work. I saw a movement at the window, and noticed someone was out shoveling my walks - I was expecting neighbor Bernie, but to my surprise, it was neighbor Ed! He's a kind soul and a good friend, but when it comes to snow and cutting grass, he usually stops right at the property line - not a centimeter further!
I am truly touched.
...Like I said, good neighbors are a blessing.
"On the first day of winter, the earth awakens to the cold touch of itself. Snow knows no other recourse except this falling, this sudden letting go over the small gnomed bushes, all the emptying trees. Snow puts beauty back into the withered and malnourished, into the death-wish of nature and the deliberate way winter insists on nothing less than deference. waiting all its life, snow says, "Let me cover you." - Laura Lush, The First Day of Winter .
Had a nice Thanksgiving in spite of the bad dreams warning otherwise.
I usually get overwhelmed at the in-laws events, and have to leave early, but I quite enjoyed them this year. We had to gather around Grandpa's hospital bed, and the noise and racket seemed to irritate him at times, but when it was over, they cranked up the bed and took photos around him. He seemed to enjoy that, and even smiled for the pix. ...He's still hanging in there...
I'm so thankful that Black Friday weekend is over. With the thyroid issue and a nasty cold on top of that, the extra long shifts have pretty much wiped me out. Hoping the coming week will be a bit less stressful.
Meanwhile, have I ever mentioned how much I hate Christmas decorating time? Hubby thinks he has to fill every inch of the place with crap of some form or another, and there are boxes and furniture piled up in all the rooms - it's like trying to get through a maze. I'm claustrophobic as it is - I can't even go downstairs through the whole Christmas season, because all the air is eaten up by the scads of zombified Santas everywhere.
*Gasp*
Equally exasperating are the comments I always get - "Oh, that's so cute - you are so lucky to have a hubby like that"
Oy, people, you have NO idea! LOL
Been on Nyquil the last three nights trying to conquer the cold - I don't know about you, but Nyquil always gives me lively dreams, not always in a good way. Last night, however, I dreamed about my mom. For the first time since her passing, she finally told me that she loved me. I can't even tell you how much that means to me. (Amid the screaming at the fast food jerks for REALLY bad service - and conjuring up the ghost of a former neighbor - weird.)
Anyway, it's Sunday again. Celebrating a daughter in law's birthday today. A light snow fell through the night, and good neighbor Bernie has already been out scraping the walks for the whole block with his snow-blower.
We had a blizzard warning in these parts yesterday. They shut down the government offices, closed schools early - the whole 9 yards. I even got sent home from work an hour early.
*Fizzle*
Where the storm may have been a lot worse north of us, we didn't get more than a bluster. Oh, the wind blew the snow horizontally for a while, but visibility was fine, and I made it home without a hitch. Woke up to 2 inches of snow on the ground. Period.
It was supposed to be the biggest storm in 7 years - all I can say is that there must be a new guy in the weather station who came here from Hawaii or something.,,
Never had a less impressive snow day - but I'm ok with that.
Thanksgiving will soon be upon us. We'll be spending it with the in-laws this year. I had a nightmare last night that they were holding me captive, and that I escaped and was having to climb mountains, wade through streams, and fight natives to get away. Hmmm... I wonder where that came from?
Meanwhile, my daughter is home from college for the weekend, hubby and Melissa are off from work, and we can have lots of good old fashioned family time.
My youngest brought her latest beau home to meet the folks Friday night. Always a scary proposition - will we like him, will he like us? ...What has the child gotten into this time?
Super nice guy.
Yep, we all approved. Even my oldest daughter who, I feared, would be looking for reasons not to like him.
First impressions are a biggie around here - I remember when I met my oldest son's bride to be. At the time she was seriously dating someone else (his friend and co-worker).
After chatting with her for a while, I remember thinking "too bad she's taken - she would be the perfect match for him." Two years later when the tides turned in that direction - I couldn't have been more delighted.
Son # 2 was smitten early in high school. His girl was adorable. When they broke up shortly thereafter, I mourned right along with him. I felt so strongly that they belonged together.
Happily, she returned to his life, and they are a pair again.
I'm not saying Jenny has met "the one." They just met, and are just getting to know each other. All I know is that I get a good feeling around him. When you find yourself thinking "Wow - how did she find him?" as they walk out the door, that's a good sign. I know that my precious daughter is safe with him, a feeling that is priceless.
Meanwhile, my oldest son works for the Federal Court system and has access to all kinds of public records - he actually ran a background check on him! ...It's ok, he's clean - no priors, no arrests. LOL - I wonder if the kid would still like us if he knew that little tidbit of information...
Now that my children will all want to strangle me for gossiping...
I went to the Quickutz warehouse sale yesterday. Fun, fun, fun! I wished so much that my daughter in law could have been there. I walked out with over $900 worth of product for around $100, and came home feeling like Christmas had come early.
...But then, as always, the buyer's remorse sets in - why did I spend so much with Christmas coming and only 2 more paychecks to spread over everything? Chastising myself for being greedy and selfish...
What's a girl to do? *Sigh* What's done is done. No returns.
It's Sunday again, and I woke up with a wicked sore throat. Supposed to sing with the choir today - I don't know how that's going to work.
There's 3 inches of snow out there that fell during the night, and Thanksgiving week is upon us. Black Friday is coming, and I work all weekend *shudder* (thousands of crazed shoppers frothing at the mouth for bargains.)
Got a 5 day weekend for some reason, and I was all excited anticipating the lovely projects I would get done....
Wednesday morning, I loaded up in the car and headed for Orem. The chain I work at has a larger store there that carries art supplies (we don't) and I needed another canvas. (I did a couple of paintings a while back, meaning to sell them, but hubby has grown attached to them and wants a third to complete the set.)
Wouldn't you know it - I got pulled over. Apparently I've been driving my car unlicensed since March... Amazingly - I got off with just a warning. ...Could it be my glowing smile? Could it be that I just Oooze charm?
Maybe.
...But, as Archie Bunker used to say; "God looks after babies and Dingbats." I believe that to be true.
Anyway, I got my shopping done and spent a miserable trip on the freeway coming home (road construction - traffic at a standstill for miles), as I was nearing my exit, I noticed a couple of helicopters. They weren't criss-crossing the valley as they usually do - they were just hovering over one spot - the elementary school that is a couple of blocks from my house.
When I pulled into my driveway, I saw my little neighbor was outside. (Remind me to tell you about her sometime - she's awesome!) She carries a police scanner, and knows everything that goes on in town...
I asked her what was with all the helicopters, and she told me that there had been a plane crash - right across the street from the elementary school! I ran inside and turned on the news - sure enough - it had dropped right into someones driveway...
Always a tragedy, but when the news puts names and faces to the accident victims, it really brings that home. The student was a young man who was about to celebrate his first wedding anniversary - the instructor, somebodies wife - somebodies mom.
So sad.
Wed night, we visited hubby's dad for his birthday. He was awake, and in good spirits. Still hanging on to life with all that he has.
When we got home, hubby announced that he was taking the next 2 days off.
- "Earth to Granny *static* all plans cancelled, shift to plan B immediately."
No painting, no Christmas card making - just running circles.
...We did get a little Christmas shopping done though - might as well accept it - it's coming whether we want it to or not...
Last night, I went to my book club. (I haven't been since last June.) It was good to be there, the group isn't quite as big as when it started out - but the usual suspects were there. The scary part is that they wanted to know about everything I've been reading and who my favorite authors are.
Admittedly, I spend way more time on facebook than I do reading these days - and I'm a very boring reader. I stick to the same authors all the time, because I know that they are safe. (No offensive language, etc.), because you just never know when you pick up a book these days... When I do branch out, I'm usually sorry.
I like mystery, humor, light romance (light meaning no heaving, thrusting or throbbing) and also biography and history - period. End of story. If it weren't for the book club, and having reviews from people I trust, I would never try anything else.
It's Friday already, and my time off is coming to an end - next week will be a nightmare with all the holiday sales (and yes, I'll be working - I only hope they have all of our machines up and working this time.) Winter storms have been predicted all through the week...
I woke up with a bee in my bonnet Saturday - didn't even stop to eat breakfast, just threw on some clothes, grabbed the keys and ran off to the hairdresser.
Very nervous - usually when I do something that impulsive it ends in disaster... But this time I lucked out - the stylist I wanted was there, she wasn't busy - and when I told her what I wanted, she literally rubbed her hands together with glee and said (giggling) "Yay, I love this cut!"
She gave me highlights, low lights, and a new style. I would be a red-hot smokin' granny, but unfortunately, she couldn't do anything about the face. (Or the bod - LOL) It was an expensive tantrum (been feeling neglected lately.) But at least it turned out well. In fact, since I got it done I've had 2 people ask me if I've lost weight - I really should have tipped her more!
Saturday night was manic at work. Customers kept coming up to me and asking "what's going on?" Durned if I know, I haven't seen it that nuts since... well, ever!
I was supposed to leave at 8, but that would have left only three people on the floor and I just couldn't see how that would work. I ended up being there 2 more hours finishing up and cleaning up the devastation.
And the holidays are just beginning... *Shudder*
I guess I'm just going to have to accept it - it's definitely November. It tried to snow last night, and is stormy and cold today. Winter is here whether we want it or not...
We started rehearsing our Christmas songs for the church choir almost a month ago (yes, we DO need that much practice!) The songs are pretty, but there is one of them that gets stuck in my head and has been there 24/7 eight days a week - it is driving me mad!
They've been playing Christmas music on my radio station since Halloween, and I've been avoiding that - but talk radio is just SO annoying... Been trying to chase that song out of my head, especially on the commute to work, so I went searching desperately through my CD's to find something else to listen to. Not much into music lately - but I stopped on the Carpenters - the Singles. Ah yes - has there ever been anything more soothing than Karen Carpenters mellow alto? ...I don't think so.
I may be saved yet...
Speaking of being saved - *News Flash*
I finally got word from my doctor that my biopsy was negative. All clear, I'm going to live. It was just a message on my voice mail, so it kind of leaves me with more questions than answers, but I'll talk to him when I go in for my check up. Meanwhile - one less thing to worry about.
(Yay)
Work the next 3 days - time to get back on the treadmill... .
It's my last day off of the week - just trying to keep busy while waiting for the results of my... I keep wanting to say otopsy - but no, it was a bi-opsy...
(When the time comes for an otopsy - I'm not going to care what the results are! LOL)
...Anyway, everyone tries to cheer me up by saying "No news is good news, right?" I hate to be disagreeable, but there are times that no news is just no news. I know that there's something there - I just want to know if that something is going to kill me or not. Ha ha.
I made a HUGE mistake yesterday by saying that my gut was betting that it will be benign. Those are the kind of things you never say out loud! I'm just superstitious enough to believe that if the news is otherwise, I brought it on myself... (*tossing salt over shoulder,* *knocking wood,* *spit, spit*)
Meanwhile, I had to talk hubby out of re-arranging the house. He wanted to move my craft room upstairs, my daughter downstairs, the bookcases back out in the hall, etc. etc.
He's preparing for me to be an invalid and not having to use the stairs...
I had to tell him that I don't plan on being an invalid - besides, the mere thought of the mess he drags out to decorate the house for Christmas is enough to send my blood pressure through the roof, and me right over the edge!
No moving please! He doesn't have time to finish what he starts, and I don't have the energy to clean up after him! LOL
Moving on - I'm almost finished with my second painting. Having to be patient and work on it in intervals between work days. Sure wish I could show you - I kind of like this one. Maybe soon...
Much on the plate today - cleaning up workspace, playing with new crafty stuff I got in the mail yesterday... (I order little surprises for myself once in a while to cure the boredom and lonliness - bargain books I find for a penny on amazon, new crafty supplies, etc. Nice to have fun mail trickling in to have something to look forward to, right? Nope, BaM! ...they all arrived on the same day. *Sigh,* Oh well.)
I want to play at designing my Christmas cards for this year, and planning & sketching the next painting project.
Happy Veterans Day - and a BIG thanks to all who serve! .
I'm a little more nervous about my procedure tomorrow than I thought I would be. It's just that "Biopsy" is such an ugly word - and so often followed by the even uglier "C" word.
The other night the three of us (Hubby, Melissa and I) were talking about possible outcomes, and about the financial implications - hubby brightened up and said; "...But we have really good cancer insurance, we could wind up making money off this!"
Good ol' hubby - always looking on the bright side...
My daughter in law's sister surprised us by bringing dinner the other night just as I was leaving for work. Seriously the best lasagna I have ever tasted! Libby's family is so awesome - hubby made the comment that if Brad & Lib ever split (Heaven forbid) - we want custody of her family!
Good people.
It's that time to set back the clocks again today. It only takes a few minutes to change all the clocks - but it takes a lot longer to re-set the body clock. I'll still be waking up at the usual time, regardless of what the clock says, but wanting to go to bed at 8 because it's dark and will feel so late... I'll be driving home in the dark now - not looking forward to that.
Time to try to force myself to sleep again...
Wish me luck in the morning - Prayers gratefully accepted. .
It seems that this past year, for some reason, the heavens have been raining trials. Just when we think things can't get worse - *Surprise* - they do.
I wrote to a friend this week, because I was feeling low, and just wanted to reach out to someone who could commiserate with me...
Her reply was not the comforting response I had been hoping for - instead, she poured out her heart too; that her husband had broken the news on Halloween night that he was being laid off - for the second time this year. ...That was only the beginning of a really bad chain of events for her.
There was more I would have liked to talk to her about, but after her story, I just couldn't. She needed my comfort as much as I needed hers. She is a strong woman of faith, and I knew that she would pull out of it - but there are times for all of us when we feel weak and lost and in need of something or someone to lean on. She wrote the most beautiful blog today. It rings so true and touched my heart - just makes me glad I know her.
I went to visit my daughter at her college today - hubby took the afternoon off to go help her with her financial aid. Sitting there watching the two of them handle things in the office, I couldn't help feeling proud - she's coming out of her shell and learning to take charge of her own affairs - and my husband, who no matter how much he has on his plate, always takes time to help his kids. I should be more afraid of his impending job loss, but because of the kind of person he is and the way he has treated people, folks from the past have come out of the woodwork offering him help when the time comes. We may have to tighten our belts - a lot, but I think we're going to be OK.
We took her shopping afterwards, to one of those giant all purpose stores, to get some groceries for the week. I can be a bit of a shopaholic, and am always on the lookout for the sparkle and bling no matter where I am. But as I looked around, I felt let down - I just couldn't see anything that I couldn't live without. I really truly don't need anything - (I just wish so much that I could stop wanting things!) ^.^
I had the opportunity to go to South America after my son had finished his mission there. We stayed with a friend of his who I had come to know through email. My eyes were opened to what a struggle those people have just to meet their most basic needs, and yet, I was so amazed at how happy they were, and how grateful for every little thing. When that friend came to visit us later, I felt embarrassed at all the superfluous things I have in this house (Like the doll collection, and the scrapbook store I have accumulated in the basement.) I wished that I could hide it all so she didn't have to see how frivolous and foolish we can be when we have all we need.
When we got home from shopping, hubby packed up and left. (Friday is his night to go take care of his invalid dad.) He's getting so weary of this, (just because of everything else he's been dealing with and being able to spend so little time at home) that it's getting really hard for him to go there. Having been through something similar, I try to remind him that even though it doesn't feel like it now, it really is an honor and a privilege to be able to serve his parents that way. Looking back on what we went through with my mom - it still doesn't feel like I did enough. After all she went through and sacrificed for us, it could never be enough.
...After he left, it was just my oldest daughter and I. Friday nights are Ghost Hunter nights, so we settled in to be entertained. One of the episodes took place in Cape May New Jersey. She got excited for me because this is a place I have been. They mentioned Cape May Diamonds, and I told her I had some of those in my scrapbook - which she immediately wanted to see... As I flipped through my book (the special travel one,) I couldn't help but think how lucky I've been to see all the places that I've seen. Small town me, who never thought she would so much as cross a state line!
(I really do have a point to all this - I promise!)
...What it's taking me so long to get at is, that no matter how bad things seem, or how bad they may yet become, I really have had a blessed life.
I had a call from my youngest sis tonight, expressing concern over my upcoming procedure. (Biopsy this week.) She always reminds me what an awesome family I have. It is so true. From the oldest, to the in laws, to the youngest gran - (OK, and maybe even the dog)
I love them all so much.
This talk showed up on my facebook page the other day, and it has been haunting me ever since - I just can't get it out of my mind. It was given at General Conference last month, and touches close to the heart...
*Favorite quote;
"To express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven.
I am SO done with Halloween - Adios, vamoose - outta here.
Don't get me wrong - it had it's moments, I guess it was the night my daughter had me watch "Sleepy Hollow" with her. I actually thought the story line was ok - it's just that it over stepped my cardinal rule of "no blood - no guts."
If it wasn't for Johnny Depp fainting every five minutes for comic relief, I never would have made it through. Way different than the old folk tale. (...When I sat down to watch, I was craving chocolate - by the end, I couldn't even look at it!)
When it was over, Melissa popped in "The Addams Family" to ease the tension, but by then I was done with the whole Halloween genre. I had to go upstairs and get my head in a different place so I would be able to sleep.
Melissa has been a dear - she orchestrated, planned, and pretty much made us a fun Halloween dinner on Sunday.
We had a yummy tortellini, served with eyeballs (my daughter-in-law's special meatballs) mini mummy dogs, (mini sausages wrapped in bread dough) and blood punch (pomegranite 7-Up topped with orange and green sherbet.) She even planned for the fact that the grans would probably shy away from the tortellini, and helped them make and decorate mini-pizzas. The dining room was draped with spiderwebs, and the table setting was a creepy candelabra with a black lace table cloth.
For desert, we had pumpkin pie and green sugar cookies, (which started out as witche's fingers, but flattened out so much after baking that they morphed into monster toes...)
The effect was awesome. (And the food - delicious.)
Fun finish to the holiday.
Hubby hates Halloween. Always has. His birthday is November 1st, and he has always resented having to have costume parties for his birthday. (Odd little man - hates dressing up.)
He usually stays up late Halloween night taking down all the decorations, so there will be none of it left for "his" day.
He was too tired to do that last night, so I removed them this morning. We celebrated his birthday as a family last Sunday, so it will be a quiet night for him - which is just what he needs, truth be told.
The kick-off to the holiday season has begun - the radio stations are probably playing Christmas music already... (I've been avoiding them like the plague.)
I have a heavy work week ahead of me again - sure hope I am done cutting tulle!
All those days off I had this week got eaten up by visits to the doctor, laundry, visiting teaching, and nursing a sick dog. No fair!
I started another painting, but I didn't get very far...
I've been craving some gooseflesh-raising entertainment, so my daughter obliged me last night, and we watched "The Changeling." Maybe in another decade it would have scared the bejeevers out of me, but for some reason, all I could do was critique it.
*Why did the ghost wait so long to get his revenge? *Why didn't he haunt the dad who killed him instead of the innocent stranger who was suffering from his own tragic loss? *Why did he kill off his replacement/brother when he was an old man and would have croaked soon anyway - and who was as much a victim in the situation as he was?
(It's an old movie, but sorry for the spoilers if you haven't seen it.)
Have I become so blah that I can't even enjoy a decent scare any more?
~*~
I mentioned nursing the sick dog - he is in his hundreds in dog years, and his mortality is inevitable, but my family is so not ready for that. The creature is so beloved that I think he will be mourned more (and longer) than I would. - Hoping it's just a tummy thing that will pass. (Literally - ha!)
Meanwhile, he is about the worst patient I have had to take care of in decades. He whimpered and whined, and if I got up and left him even for a minute - he howled and had panic attacks.
Hubby thinks he's milking it.
~*~
Worked on November's music for church yesterday - Oy, I did not realize I had four weeks to fill with musical numbers. That is definitely the only part about my job I don't enjoy - having to find, call, and beg people to do intermediate musical things. Call me a chicken, but I have issues with that. Not only that, but now it's going to be really short notice.
Buggar.
Do you want to come and sing for me? Just let me know.
It's back to work today - not looking forward to the last minute costume making frenzy. Hoping that's over by now.
The weather has taken a turn for the somber lately - stormy and overcast - rain, and even in some areas, SNOW. I kinda love it in a way...
The gray cloudy skies bring everything in closer, and makes the colors seem brighter and sharper. Makes you want to hunker down indoors and be cozy.
My daughter wants to start a petition that humans should be able to hibernate. I'm all for that.
This time of year also makes me want to plant my nose in a scary ghost story. ...As Tigger would say, "I want to scare myself, and everyone else."
So, I've been on the search for some good stories - but they have to fit my criteria, which makes it difficult.
a) No blood, guts or gore b) No demons or evil c) no psychological thrillers (they make me feel crazy)
...See my problem - what else is there? Ha. (My kids have to sensor movies for me - they see them first, and tell me if I can handle them or not. Shouldn't that work the other way around? Yeah, I know. *Sigh*)
I guess I'll have to be content to watch movies with the grand kids. They are on my level. :-)
Other Frightening Things...
I went to the hospital for an MRI today. - Sheesh - if you want to be scared, just spend a few hours there! It took them half an hour just to get me signed in, because the lady couldn't get anyone on the phone who could tell her if the test had to be pre-approved for my insurance or not.
Then, I got to Radiology and found that the test that the doctor ordered was the wrong one, and wouldn't give them the information that was needed. Of course, my doctor was out of the office today, so I sat there for a good half hour trying to get that issue ironed out.
Luckily, I had taken my happy pill (I'm very claustrophobic, so had the prescribed sedative), so by then I was beyond caring.
I had a lovely nap while they shoved me up the tube.
No idea what the results are - you know how doctors are - they order every expensive test in the books, then treat you like the results are none of your business.
Who knows when they'll let me in on it. *Shudder*
What else is scary?
This past weekend, I had a day out with my girls. We had plans to go to Witches Night Out at a local shopping center, so first we drove to the Halloween store to get all decked out, but as we turned in to the parking lot, they saw that their favorite media store was having a HUGE sale, so we had to go there first. (Give. me. strength.)
That place is so overwhelming to me. Acres and acres of CD's, video games, and DVD's - The place gives me panic attacks. We spent at least 2 hours there. I swear the kids are giving me paybacks for dragging them to the craft store when they were small...
*Tremble*
We spent a similar amount of time at the Halloween store. I kept losing them, and they kept losing me - just when I'd think they were done, they'd see something else... By the time we came out of there, it was pouring rain! ...And since the event we were planning to go to was mostly outside, we decided not to go. (Too bad too, seeing as how there was a full moon :) ) ...So we went to lunch, and then to Pier 1. (A place we all enjoyed.)
~*~
We celebrated hubby's birthday on Sunday because my youngest won't be here next weekend. (She has a date aboard a pirate ship - can't wait to hear about that!) Anyway, had a nice little party and got him all celebrated.
Three whole days off this week - I'm lovin' it.
Going to go sleep off the meds now...
Meanwhile, if you know of any good ghost stories that fit my criteria - let me know!
Had a schedule change & worked every day. Today was the worst - an early morning shift [gasp]. I had to get up at 5:30 to be ready in time. (FYI - I am NOT a morning person.) Hubby was complaining all over the place tonight - he didn't like it either I woke him up too early.
Poor baby.
The up-side is that I finally get the weekend off like normal people! It will be my first whole weekend off in months. Trying to think of something wild and crazy to do...
This weekend is "Witches Night Out" at Gardeners Village. It would be fun to have a mother/daughter night there... It's even going to be a full moon!
...Or, if the girls have plans, I could always catch a movie - alone... (It's hubby's night to spend with his dad.)
Or maybe just go to Borders and read - they're open till midnight...
*Sigh* I'll probably be here, doing laundry, but it's nice to dream.
Since I'm in griping/complaining/issues mode...
I'm going in for an MRI on Tuesday.
I noticed something growing in my throat a few months ago, and have been pursuing that with my doctor. No insurance when hubby loses his job, so I need things taken care of.
This one makes me nervous - halfway between the heart and the brain.
Good thoughts would be appreciated.
...Just one last thing -
Why do work uniforms have to be shapeless, colorless and devoid of style? Do people enjoy being served by amorphous blobs?
That's where I've been for the last 20-some-odd years. I've bounced around from Craft store, to Scrapbook store, fabrics to baked goods, and back again, but other than a couple of short stints as a receptionist, it's been a lifetime of hawking ...whatever.
It's not all bad. It's hard work, but it's honest labor, and at the end of the day I feel like I've accomplished something. (Although, the older I get, the more I wish I had gotten that degree.)
I've gone full circle and am back at a fabric store at present. I've been there over a year now, and am just barely beginning to feel that I have a niche there. I applied there as much to find a new circle of friends as much as for a regular pay-check, but that part hasn't materialized. (Pun intended - ha.) They're not really unfriendly, they're more I'll-say-hi-and-be-cordial-but-beyond-that-I-don't-care-so-don't-tell-me.
Eh. It's only four hours a day, so I can live with that. (Because, luckily, the customers are more friendly than the staff.)
Measuring fabric day in and day out must be a boring job, you say?
Oh, not so.
No two days are ever alike (other than the screaming kids, that is,) and no two sales are alike. We have been trained to ask each customer what they are making, (you know - feigned interest) but if you are in my line and I don't ask you that, here's why...
*I had a couple come in one day, who brought up several bolts of white satin. I smiled at them and asked, "Is this for a wedding dress?" The couple gave me a strange look, and said: "No, we're lining a coffin."
"Oh." Was all I could muster - no more questions. Did they work for a funeral home - or were they building their own to save money? ...I don't want to know.
*On another occasion, the lady with the big black hair, gobs of make-up and black sparkly fingernails out to here came to the table carrying black fabrics with swirls and stars. (We're not talking Halloween time here - it was like - March.) I smiled and asked her what she was making. She gave a wilting look and a cackle and said: "....Uh, ...an, ah ...apron..." That woman was a witch, or my name ain't Granny!
So, if you show up in my line, like the old farmer who ordered 5 yards of powder blue satin, and I don't ask what you want to do with it - and just smile and ask; "How much?" (Loving grandpa, or Prom time for the cows?) ...It's not that I don't care, it just that I'm afraid of the answer!
Ha.
- And then there are the math skills! If you don't think you'll ever use those in real life, don't work at a fabric store. There's always the person who comes in and says things like; "If my table is x-long and y-wide, and I want it to drape 12 inches on all sides, how much fabric do I need? Or the quilter who wants to know how much they'll need to make a bias binding for a 108 x 98 blanket.
There are rare days I can come up with those answers off the top of my head, (or at least refer to the cheat sheet under the counter,) but there are more days when it takes me 20 minutes or more just to formulate the problem to punch in to the calculator.
Meanwhile, it is Halloween sewing time now, and I have cut enough tulle in the last two weeks to outfit an entire village with tu-tus. If a tornado should strike on Halloween night, the whole county will be taken up and fill the sky with multi-colored fluff just like a breeze over a dandelion field.
*Poof*
Other than that, our customers are basically 3 types: a) the high school sewing class student, b) the avid quilter, or c) the maniac crafter making fabric flowers.
That latter person is a frightening breed. They bring their carts to the table packed to the gills with silky floaty fabrics and say cheerfully, "1/8 of a yard of everything, please."
Oy. Have you ever tried cutting a straight line on fabrics that are as fluid as water? Small cuts like that are especially daunting, because if you do a crappy cut - you've basically ruined their piece. The other thing that gets me about these ladies is that they are usually making them to sell somewhere. Makes you wonder...
If every lady in the county is selling them, who are they selling them to?
Folks here are interesting...
Anyway, enough talk about work - time to get dressed and go there.
...That's what it feels like around here most days.
Hubby is either at one of his two jobs, or on duty taking care of his dad. My oldest goes in her room and shuts the door when she gets home. If he ever does show up for an evening, I have to ask him - who are you, and what are you doing here? (Joking, but it feels like I haven't seen him all year...) It's pretty much me and the dog 24/7. I've actually tried talking to the dog, but he just looks confused, then gets up and slinks away.
I check my email box once a day - delete all the junk and move on - never any signs of human life there.
Even facebook has become a place where people just come to do their business (gaming) and move on.
I'm forgetting what my voice sounds like.
Had a surprise visit from my sister this week. That was awesome! Wish I could have held on to her longer, but I know full well how scary that road can be when it starts getting dark.
Working more - longer shifts and more days. Financially it's great - but it sure wears me out. It's truly a physical work-out. No worries, I'll survive. Biggest problem there? ...I don't have enough white shirts to work 5 days a week. Ha.
Haven't given up on the crafting - I finished the gothic birdie villiage this week. Just need to embellish a couple of the houses to fill in negative spaces. I'm pleased with how they turned out. I just need to photograph them now and get them up on the web.
The painting is coming along too - baby steps.
I still haven't figured out the puzzle of my computer, so I'm going to have to have the photos downloaded to a disc and go that route. What a pain, but you do what you gotta do...
Won't be making the trip to pick up Jenny from college this weekend. She got asked to Homecoming, so she'll be staying there.
One of the things I love about fall is the return of comfort food. Warm, stick-to-your-ribs dishes that warm you to your toes and make you feel all cozy inside.
My daughter bought me Taste of Home's Ultimate Halloween issue which is full of those types of recipes. I've been trying out a few of them, and am adding to my family's favorites.
This one [Sweet Potatoes and Apples Au Gratin] was especially yummy. I had to fight the temptation to throw a handful of brown sugar on top, because that's how I usually cook sweet potatoes, but with the apples in the mix, you really don't need it - they sweeten them up just fine. (And it's healthier too!)
Yesterday we had an honest to goodness thunderstorm. It's been so long since it's rained here - my poor lawn shows it.
I love thunderstorms.
As I listened to the thunder, and opened the windows wide to let the rain smell in, the lights flickered and I wondered if the power would go off.
That made me think of my oldest brother.
Back when I was a kid, when the lights would go off, he would find a candle or some other form of light, and he would sit and tell us stories, or play his guitar and sing silly songs. He made it fun, and even exciting! Because of him, I've never been afraid of thunderstorms.
He was such an awesome big brother. He gave me so many happy memories - I really need to write and tell him that.
Conference weekend is another comfort around here. It's a bit of a mini vacation from having to get dressed up and go to church (ha ha), but it's also 2 days of being taught and instructed by our church leaders via television. Always gives me warm feelings of hope and encouragement - which we so need right now. It's a time to gather the family, and hunker down in the family room to listen together.
Another week has come and gone, and - by golly - the month has too.
Been busy in a different kind of way. All those work hours that I've been wanting all year finally materialized, just like that. It's so odd to have nothing but free time one week - and none whatsoever the next. I'm going to have to learn to budget my time so that I can get the household chores done, but also those projects that I've been wanting to do.
It's a balancing act.
Interesting coincidences - this week, I've been thinking about old acquaintances, and within a day or two - guess who shows up at my store? It's happened twice this week, and I'm loving it. I love seeing old friends! ...Is this a new power I have? I'm going to test it out and see - who knows, you could be next. :-)
~*~
On top of everything hubby's been going through with his family, Thursday they dropped the bomb at work that everyone will be losing their jobs. The company that he works for is going to move all their operations back East, and closing up shop here.
Hubby has seen this coming for a while, but now it's official. Talk about a bummer. He does have a couple of options already, but he's going to have to take some time and weigh them out to find which one is right for us. His last day at the present job will be Dec. 23rd.
This may sound odd, but in a way, we almost look forward to him being jobless. He will be getting a fairly decent severance package, so we could actually take some time to take the trailer to the desert, and/or go visit the son in Seattle. The kids are all out of the public schools now, so there's nothing to keep us here in this little town. It will probably never happen, but it's kind of nice to imagine that we could live somewhere else, and have a different kind of life...
Switching in gears -
I finally finished that Einstein book, and actually enjoyed it more than I thought I could. In fact, as I prepared to make that long drive to pick up my daughter yesterday, I found myself at a loss, because for the past month I've had that to listen to as I make the drive, and I couldn't find anything to replace it. ..Not really into music right now. Luckily, hubby made it home in time, and we drove together - and talked.
Kind of a morbid ending to the book - I learned that after he died, as they were preparing his body to be cremated, one of the attendants decided that it would be cool to remove his brain. He later shared bits and pieces of it with various friends and institutions of learning to study.
Is that even legal? How rude.
I've been enjoying my reading lately. Opens up lots more things I want to learn about. I sure wish I had better retention though. My brain cells seem to be greased - knowledge just skims the surface and slides right off... Example, my sister and I have often enjoyed the same books - a year later, she can still quote it word for word, and I'm lucky if I remember reading the book.
*Sigh* such is life. What are ya gonna do?
Had a Skype session with the son last night. I so enjoy hearing about what he is learning (and my daughter who was doing most of the talking here.) He was even able to show us some of the projects that he's working on. He's become such an awesome big brother. He was so encouraging to her (she's struggling to adjust to college.) I so enjoyed watching their interaction.
He's gone out of state now, so we didn't get to celebrate it in a proper manner.Thanks to the miracle of Skype, we did get to see and talk to him though - isn't technology wonderful?
I've been trying for a couple of weeks to get an idea for a hand-made card to send him, but I just do not have an idea in my head.
Why, you ask? (I'm assuming here.)
This is not your average run-of-the-mill child we are talking about...
This is the boy that at the age of three was stunning people and sending them into fits of laughter with his sharp wit.
This is the boy who spent a week constructing a bridge using not just Legos, but every building-type toy in the house. The bridge spanned his entire room, and was not only an engineering masterpiece, it was a visual curiosity.
This is the boy who, when asked to set the table creates a table-scape to rival the one in the "be our guest" scene of Beauty and the Beast.
...Are you starting to get a picture here?
My son is now an Art Major at Seattle's Cornish School of Art - there's nothing I could do that would impress him anymore. ^.^
So, apologizing for the belatedness, but I'm trying to find some other way to dazzle him...
~*~
In other news...
I mentioned before that my daughter is trying to teach me some meditation techniques to help me focus and get over my creative blocks. She tried to teach me how to relax and focus on my own intuition, and (supposedly) get the answers to my questions from my own 'gut' reactions.
Her lesson came with a warning - "this technique may open you up to some interesting dreams."
I was feeling lonely and frustrated the other night, so I decided to put her instructions to the test.
I sat on my bed and focused on what was bothering me, and asked myself the questions that I have been wanting answers to. I sat listening for several minutes, until I came to the conclusion that I am not capable to answer these questions - if I had the smallest clue - I wouldn't have to ask in the first place.
I just don't know.
So, disgruntled, I drifted off to sleep, thinking about the next day's duties, and how and when I was going to be able to make that long drive to take my daughter back to school. As I lay there thinking, I felt the strong desire to just keep on driving after dropping her off. I would love to just keep on going and going southward, and get lost in the desert somewhere...
True to my daughter's warning, I was taken away by a fantastical dream.
I was at the home of my paternal grandparents, and as my grandmother lay dying in the hospital, her entire progeny was gathered at the house trying to decide what should be done with it. There were more relatives there than you could shake a stick at - but only one or two who I actually recognized. Every time I looked at my mother, she was rubbing her hands and chattering with glee. (Not the case, by the way - I don't know what that was about...)
I took a tour of the house with my family, because it has been decades since I've been there. The main level was less than remarkable (even though it was filled with amazing antiques,) but as we went down and down and down the many levels below, the place was a wonder...
Included was an ice cave, child sized playrooms, a pretend mine for the boys to play in, complete with slides, large gathering rooms, and winding stairways that at some points were so narrow that you literally had to pull yourself through. At the very bottom level - the place opened up to a huge man made lake. There was a beach and a pier, and dolphins swimming in the lagoon! (As well as some giant frog like creatures *shiver*)
I woke up as I was trying to go back through with my grand daughters - they just had to see it!
The dream left me with some very strong emotions which linger with me still (and which I have yet to identify.)
Interesting dreams? No kidding.
It's Monday now - and I'm trying to adjust to my new schedule. I'm working lots more, which means that leisure time is no longer leisure time - it's get-all-the-weekly-chores-done-in-one-day time.
So what am I doing here?
*Sigh*
Happy Monday.
*Epilogue* Just a little footnote here - My grandparents have both been dead for decades, as are my parents. Their home was a simple one-level home. Very small, very average. Period. .
I'm still trying to get through a biography about Einstein. I'll get there - I will. Even though I've had to renew it, for a total of 4 weeks so far, I'm going to finish it.
As I listened today (the book is on CD,) about his discussions with Bourne (sp?) and how he couldn't accept the fact that some laws of nature were absolute, and some seem to be completely random and unmeasurable. His constant answer/question was "God does not play dice." He always believed that there was some secret law that hadn't been discovered yet - and struggled to find it.
I love knowing that he believed that there was a God who created the universe, and that He did it in an orderly manner, creating laws that governed all of it's movements.
It makes me wonder at a young person who can be so passionate at uncovering each and every law, while I, on the other hand, have always been content just to wonder at it and admire it's vastness and beauty.
The passion for me has always been to try to capture moments of wonder or beauty in and somehow freeze them in time. (Not even close yet.)
I'm such a dreamer. Ha!
I'm not feeling well today, so I snuggled into my cozy couch to listen.
I have a love/hate relationship with my couch.
I purchased it on a whim (which is never a good idea!) ...and have rued the day ever since. There are lots of reasons why I don't like it - some practical, some just emotional, but the fact remains - it just wasn't what I was looking for.
On the other hand, it is SO comfortable.
The seat is deep, because of the many cushions along the back - and if I remove just one of those pillows, I can snuggle back into it, and just by the massive size of the thing, I can feel like a child again, snuggled into a loving parent's lap. I feel cozy and safe - and oddly enough, even loved. Such is the magic of my couch. (I think it's the down in the cushions...)
Tired or not, today is a work day, and one can't wallow on downy cushions forever. Bills must be paid, money must be made, ...and something must be done with this wild mane of hair. (Just because I'm learning about Einstein doesn't mean I want to resemble him.)
Happy Autumn Solstice - picture me dancing under the full moon tonight. I may not be there in body, but I will be there in spirit. .
Woke up with that annoying song in my head - I wonder how long it will take to drive it away...
Doesn't it make you wonder where those things come from sometimes?
That's neither here nor there - just blabbering...
I got my new work schedule yesterday, and I'm a little dismayed. I've gone from the usual one day a week to four.
It's not that that's a bad thing - I know I've been complaining about not having any cash flow - it's just that I had finally made other plans and was all excited about it - and now that plan gets the kibosh.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened - far from it. In fact, it's become the family joke that we don't make plans, because as sure as we do - the situation changes and the plans fall through.
A foreign friend of ours even went so far as to dub us the "no plans Taylors" when she observed the kinds of things that happen to us.
It's like this HUGE cosmic joke that is, quite frankly, wearing thin with me.
I made some progress on my crafty projects - but not much.
But, thanks to my daughter, (Melissa) I've decided to take that in stride. She's been trying to teach me how to relax and just accept what I can do, and bless her - it's working.
It's interesting, but it's SO long - there just are not enough hours in the day. (I've been at it for four days now, and I'm only on disk 6 - about half way.) Lots of things to admire about the man - but his family life wasn't one of them...
I finally braved the dangers of the storage room today, to locate my stash of craft paints. I dislodged and extracted them from the rubble without any permanent bodily injury! They are soooo dusty, I want to take them outside and hose them off before I even touch them. I wonder if any of them will actually still be usable? They haven't been touched for almost 20 years... (I'm excited about the prospects though!)
I made the trek to Ephraim again today, to fetch Jenny home and clear up a little problem she was having at the bank. I decided to go a little earlier than needed in order to explore the town a little bit.
As it turned out, I only had half an hour, but that was enough to walk through the Ephraim Co-Op, a little consignment shop which sells all kinds of locally made goods.
I'm really glad I checked it out, because it's a really interesting place. Many home arts that have gone the way of the dinosaurs are still alive and well there - beautiful crochet, embroideries, quilts, and even some wooden dolls that the clerk told me were carved by an 80 + year old woman.
I also found a book there that I have been looking for - a collection of ghost stories from Sanpete County. (I wish I could give you the name & author, but I've forgotten already.) My sister loaned me the book a few months ago, and I loved it - It was such a fun read. (Supposedly true ghost stories as told by local residents.) It wasn't in the budget today, but at least now I know where to find it...
I'm enjoying going down that way more and more. I love taking life at a slower pace these days, and, although I'm sure life is just as crazy for folks down there - at least I can imagine it differently as I drive by the fields of sheep, cattle, and llamas, (yes - LLAMAS!) It's beautiful and pastoral, and I feel myself relaxing as it all passes by.
The leaves are changing on the mountain as we speak, and I'm hoping to make it up the canyon to get some pictures before the snow comes and ruins them. It's been warm and dry so far this month, so I may be able to make it.
There is a place up there called "Maple Canyon" where the hills are covered with maples instead of the usual quaking aspen and pine. In the fall it is so gorgeous! It's like being inside a pink snow globe.
Amazing.
My Libby-in-law will fly away this weekend, taking away my only ally of the crafty variety. I have so enjoyed spending time with her, and all the things that she has taught me. She is so talented - I will miss her. Thank goodness for blogs as a way to keep in touch... Good luck kids! :-)
I got up to go to church, but realized that it was conference day, so they didn't need me to do my job. I was achey and head-achey, so I just went back to bed - and stayed there until noon!
I haven't felt up to much today, (too many late nights this week) so I've been taking it easy on myself...
I've been on a hunt for some inspiration, so I went to my friendly amazon.com page and went through all the recommendations there. I love how that page picks up on all the things that I'm interested in, and brings up recommendations based on them...
Been searching new novels by my favorite authors, vintage art, all things owl, DVD's, and even "How to" books about writing and cardmaking.
What fun! My wish list has tripled in size!
...Now it's back to the real world - dishes, and dinner.
*Sigh*
Last night we had a farewell party for my daughter-in-law. She's finally finishing out her job and will be leaving to join Brad in Seattle.
We went up the canyon and had tinfoil dinners. I will really miss having Libby around - and I will miss doing things with her family - they are good people. . .
I've had moments of such creative energy that I can hardly contain myself - A feeling that I haven't experienced in almost 20 years.
After the birth of my youngest "caboose" child, I put all my arts & crafts supplies away for that time & season that would surely come again - and concentrated on raising her along with a house-full of preteens.
*Don't try this at home*
(The effect of baby-teen mothering is much like driving a car using only first and fifth gears. Jarring.)
I never regretted that last child - she has been a gift. I have enjoyed every minute of her existence. I did miss my "art," but I always believed that there would be a time for that again someday.
Recently, I have been feeling the creative urges resurfacing. I get such a flow of ideas, that I can't even go to bed at night. I've been filling notebooks and daydreaming for weeks of new/old areas to explore and resurrect.
...Then there are the days (like today) when I'm physically, (+ mentally and emotionally)...tired.
I fill with self-doubt and wonder what the heck is wrong with me? Sure, I want to do all this stuff, but can I even remember how to do it? Will I ever be able to do it as well as I once did?
What am I - NUTS?
I spent the day (and my last paycheck) buying supplies yesterday. I intend to follow through, but I wish I was more sure that success will follow...
Hubby's father came home from the hospital Friday. I thought that meant that things would calm down, but I was so wrong! Hubby is now at their beck & call, and is around here even less (as if that were even possible...)
I keep trying to get on the widow's list at church, but so far no luck.
I had my son's three girls all weekend. He was kind enough to take our place helping his brother to move out of state, so that was the least we could do. I didn't realize, however, that I would be taking care of them pretty much on my own!
Sunday morning was nuts trying to get them up and ready for church on time! We managed with only one melt-down (not counting mine!)
Motherhood is definitely for the young...
My younger sister came in from Reno to attend her high-school reunion this weekend, so we arranged a get-together with all of my sisters on Sunday.
My house is the one most centrally located, so we arranged to meet here. (Debbie dubbed it "the party house," but with all that's been going on here, it felt more like "the loony bin.")
I made a light lunch for us all, and it was so nice just to sit and visit. My two angel daughters kept the 3 little girls downstairs - busy, occupied, and quiet the whole time.
Miraculous!
Much earlier, Debbie had given Janell, my older sister (a master doll crafter) a box of body parts that she had bought at an estate sale, to see if they could be repaired. Jnell brought those finished dolls with her. She had worked her magic on them, and they looked brand new! It was hard to believe Deb's description of what they had looked like before - you would never know it. They are Madame Alexander's, about two feet tall, and gorgeous!
When they all went to leave, several happy hours later, Debbie surprised us by giving us all one of them! (I got the Jenny Lind.) She is front & center in the curio, and she looks like she was made to be there. :-)
The girl's parents made it back to town safe and sound late last night, so the girls have gone home now. Today is the big celebration here in town, but I can't bring myself to leave the house. It feels much better to just have some down time and enjoy the QUIET.
...I may wander out later, just to take a peek at the art show - but I really don't care about the carnival, (or anything else for that matter,) especially the crowds!
I need to recoup.
Last night, I had the chance to talk face to face with my now-out-of-state son, through the miracle of Skype. It's times like that that I am so thankful for the amazing technology that is out there.
We had a good long chat, and he looks really great. His new place sounds so nice - and so conveniently located to school, work, shopping - pretty much everything they will need is right there. I can't wait to go see it (probably next Spring.)
He's happy and healthy - that's what matters most.
I have many pictures I'd like to share, but am still working on that technological issue...
Another one of those weeks - just skimming the headlines, because I don't really want to get into it...
After grandpa's miraculous spring back to life, he's on his way home today - has even been taken off hospice. There are. no. words. - everyone just shakes their heads in disbelief. It will be nice to have him closer to home for hubby's sake, not quite so much running around...
DD is having a hard time adjusting to college life. Oy vey, and I thought I had a hard time keeping her in class during high school...
Give. Me. Strength.
On the home front, I've got three little girls for the weekend.
My son and daughter in law had to have all their belongings out of their apartment on the first, so they are loaded up on the truck and are on their way to Seattle as we speak. The daughter in law's job transfer went through at the last minute. So glad they won't have to be separated anymore!
Thankfully, my oldest is taking our place moving them up. (Hubby didn't feel he could travel that far with his dad & brother in the condition they are.) Consequently, we are keeping their girls while they make the grueling trip.
Praying for safe travels and happy trails...
Myself, I have been sniffing around for ideas for another story to write. I never thought I would miss doing that, but I do. Who knew?
I have been reading a book of Irish Fairy Tales that my daughter happened to have, and am finding it rather fascinating.
I've always thought of fairies as being in the form of "Tinkerbell" - all cute, tiny and... moody, but otherwise... nice.
Not so in these tales. They are full size, and seem to live for causing mischief among their human counterparts. They make a habit of switching "changelings" for live persons if misfortune crosses their path, and are very unforgiving of anyone who inadvertently wanders into their "fairy forts."
Locals call them "The Good People," not because they are, but because they are afraid of offending them.
Fun reading - I've found a few short tales that would be fun to play with, but in the meantime, I'm just enjoying reading the book.
I've also been playing with the idea of opening a shop on etsy. Lots of ideas of fun things to sell - and am chomping at the bit to get started... if I can just get this weekend over with. (More on that as things progress.)
Luckily, it's "Onion Days" here in Payson, (founders day type celebration) so there are lots of fun activities we can do with the girls.
I went back to work today.
