Well, I'm about 2/3 through the book, and I had to relinquish it to my daughter...(she reads, I catch up, she reads, etc.)
I'm anxious for my turn again, it's getting so intense! Right now I'm thinking the only way this can end is that everybody dies!
But, Miss Rowling is much more clever than we - I'm sure she has more twists and turns ahead.
I've been thinking about all the mega-tons of money she's made off these books....if only I could do this "writing thing"....I mean, how hard could it be really?
(Scratching head...)
Opening scene: a classroom - two boys, Jerry Trotter and his best friend Juan, sit taking notes as their professor scratches something on the chalkboard. Juan whispers "Aren't you glad to be back at Frogsnorts Jerry?"
Jerry glances up at the professor, then whispers back: "For sure - anything is better than living under the floor at the Fursleeze!"
The Professor speaks without turning around...
"Do I hear talking behind me?"
"No you don't"
"Yes I do"
"No you don't"
"I said - I do! Now shut up!"
Jerry and Juan exchange a confused look... Juan says "What was that all about?"
"He seems to be having an argument with himself." says Jerry.
They return to their notes, but the Professor starts mumbling again...
"You must go - I need it NOW!"
"No, can't you see I'm busy?"
"I said NOW! I must find the last gorecrutch before someone else does!"
"Can't I even finish this lesson?"
"NOOO, you must go NOW!"
"Alright, alright, geeze - don't get your slots in a knot!"
Professor Squirrel turns and addresses the class.
"I'm sorry students, but I must dismiss class early - study chapter 3 and be ready for a quiz tomorrow."
The classroom utters a consecutive groan, and Squirrel runs from the classroom.
As they leave the classroom, Jerry and Juan are joined by their friend Germimony, she grumbles about having to leave class early, and only getting to study one chapter.
Jerry and Juan roll their eyes....
Juan says: "Wasn't Professor Squirrel acting a little nutty today?"
To which Jerry replies "No more than usual, why?"
"I've never heard him arguing quite like that before - who was he talking to anyway?"
Just then a ghost swoops up through the floor issuing a morbidly mournful moan. He is flying so low, that his knuckles are barely clearing the floor, and the bags under his eyes are nearly there too.
Juan says: "Hello Rick - how are you feeling today?"
Rick just rolls his eyes, and sinks through the floor.
"Who was that, Juan?" asks Jerry.
"That was the Sniffindoor ghost, Clearly Bedless Rick. His bed was stolen as a prank 100 years ago, and he hasn't slept since."
"Oh, yeah, I've heard of him - poor bloke." Replies Jerry.
Meanwhile, Professor Squirrel hurriedly crosses the school grounds and enters the forest. "Faster, faster you idiot!"
"I'm going as fast as I can with this extra baggage on my head! You're throwing off my balance!"
"Gripe, gripe, gripe, must you always complain?"
"That's it! I've had it!"
Professor Squirrel starts unwrapping the turban on his head.
"I'm sick of your mouthing off - you can just go find some other poor slob to leach off of!"
He points his wand at the back of his head and mutters a curse. The disgustingly slimy face on the back of his head slides off into the turban Squirrel still holds in his hand.
He sets the pile of fabric with the disembodied face down on the ground, and runs over the hill, never to be seen again, as the face shouts:
"Come back here, you half of a two faced moron! You can't leave me like this!"
But the Professor never looks back.
"Hrrrackinfrackin Bozo, Now what am I supposed to do?" Gripes the Dark Hoard.
He picks up a twig from the ground with his serpentine tongue, scoops up a berry, and utters a spell igniting a tiny fire, and begins to roast it for his supper. As he waits for it to cook, he begins to sing: "I ain't got no body, and nobody's there for me...."
Back at Frogsnorts, the three friends are facing a happy dilemma,
"Well," Germimony chimes in, "We have the rest of the day free - so what should we do?"
"Let's go visit Baghead!" said Juan.
"Great idea, Juan!" Jerry says, and they go skipping hand in hand over the grounds and into the forest to Baghead's hut.
As they near the forest, Germimony whispers: "Shhh, do you hear singing?"
The boys stop in their tracks and listen.
"Ugh!" they both grunt at once, and Juan says: "Whatever it is, it sounds like someone's stepping on it's tail!"
They tip-toe ever so softly toward the sound - suddenly Germimony gasps: "Holy cow! It's Moldywart!"
Juan claps his hand over her mouth, "Are you mental? Don't say his name out loud!"
Okay, okay, but I know I'm right, it's He-who-will-not-be-blamed!"
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Ouch! My carpal tunnel is killing me, and I've got nowhere to go with this - Sorry to leave you hanging, but this is a little harder than I thought...
(Tee hee!)
Hats off to you, J.K. Rowling! You've done it again!
