Stuff.

I had such a lazy day yesterday.

Those days are really hard on the self esteem. Leaves me feeling like a useless lump of humanity. Especially when hubby is sick and has to work the two jobs anyway, and the kids are all so busy.

There's just no excuse for me, just sitting here - wasting time.
(But no one around who cares.)
What a strange phase of life this is.

I've had some rather enjoyable chats with my youngest this week. She's finally getting her head into a good place, at least for now. I'm so proud of her.

We talked about weekend plans, hanging out at bookstores and such. She mentioned that would be a fun career for her - owning a book store.
We kind of went off on that, because I would love that too!
I could work for my baby, driving loads of books around ...in my wheelchair cart, reading stories to kiddies on the weekend. (But then, I would probably scare them LOL)

As always, when I barge in on the kids' dreams, there's something in it for me - a little corner where I can sell my favorite things - pretty paper, pretty ribbons & lace, gems & such...

I love that my kids have goals and are reaching and achieving them. I never did figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up... and that ship has sailed!

I enjoy my job, I really do. It's satisfying feeling that I can help people - even if it's something as simple as finding the right sewing machine needle.
(Beats sitting here feeling useless!)

...But I can't see myself doing this forever. It's so physically demanding.
(It is, I tell you - all that lifting and hauling and reaching and folding...)
I only work 4 hour shifts, but come home feeling like I've worked 8.
...And right now, the future is scaring me.

I thought by the time I reached this age, I would be looking forward to retirement and freedom, but instead - I'm looking at going full time while the rest of the family searches for work.

I keep thinking of that line from the Sandra Bullock movie that goes; "Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan."

Understatement.

I got a postcard from an old friend this week. Highlight. of. my. week.

She said that she saw the picture and missed me. Isn't that amazing?
I can't tell you how good it feels to be missed - or even noticed. for that matter. Ha
Having a rendezvous with her online on Monday - can't wait!

Speaking of work - I have to go there.

Have a Happy Holiday Weekend!
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