Step Two

Overcoming Fear

Fear has been the bugaboo of my entire life.

All the way back in grade school, if I won accolades for something artistic - after the obvious thrill of winning, I would immediately be stung by the fear that "now people are going to notice me."

The same fear followed me to college, where after a year and a half, I finally got brave enough to enroll in an art class. The first day of classes, after struggling just to find the room, I stood outside with my hand on the door for a good 15 minutes before I lost my nerve completely and marched over to the administration building - to drop it.

Years later, I started working for Provo Craft.
I had taken up tole painting, and had taken my skills to a level where I could teach, and even be on the team who painted samples for store owners to display along with the books that PC published.
My dream then was to become a designer, and publish my own work!

I played with designs, created and polished - until I finally had something I was proud of - mustered up all my courage, and took it to the class coordinator for her professional opinion.
She loved them. She said that she wanted to schedule a class to teach them!

I was within centimeters of achieving my dream - so what did I do?

I had a panic attack - took them home and never spoke of it again.

I. Am. Pathetic.

So there you have it - conquering fear is a BIGGIE for me.

My current artsy guru says that:

"When we delay our creative yearnings, we, in essence live in a world of procrastinating our creative truth because we are afraid of it."

And gives this advice:

"Instead of staying clear of your fears, face them. Sit down with them a while.
Ask them questions. And ask yourself what you're afraid of, what's holding you back...'
Once you're able to identify your fears, you have a much better chance of diffusing them.
Then, ... make a list of affirmations or direct responses to each of your fears...
Soon, you'll have your own list of personal declarations from your heart to help battle your fears."

We shall see.

By the way, the book I'm reading is "Taking Flight" by Kelly Rae Roberts.







Ain't no sunshine when he's gone.

As a side note, we are having the weirdest weather year ever.
Longest winter, soggiest, albeit shortest Summer ever.
I don't remember ever having as much rain as we are having.
This morning, the breeze that came in my window woke me with a shock.
That weren't no Summer breeze! ...It felt very Autumnal!

Meanwhile, every time we talk to our son in Seattle (the rainy capitol of the world) he says "it's Sunny and mild."
Something has gone amiss with the universe. If I didn't know better, I would think our sunshine followed him up there, and he sent us the rain.
.