A couple of weeks ago, I sent my writing buddy a couple of chapters of a story my son is writing for her critique. Her first comment was;
"He likes writing more than you do - doesn't he?'
That comment made me laugh out loud at first, (because it's just so true,) but the conversation that followed got pretty deep.
Basically she said to me; "if you don't enjoy doing it, then why do it?" She told me to find what it is I love and pursue that instead. ...But that's the whole problem - I don't know what I would enjoy doing anymore.
Back in the day, it was always crystal clear to me what
I loved, and I couldn't help myself from going after it.
Challenges? Bring 'em on - I loved it!
...But I'm just at a weird place in life now - all those things that I used to love, I've been there - done that - either eliminated it, or peaked at it, and am on the downhill slide.
I can't stand that. If I can't be excellent at something any more - I don't want to do it.
In a nutshell, I've lost the passion for it.
So, where does that leave me now?
My friend suggested taking classes, and trying new things... The question is, what is there left for me to try?
- But, at least that little conversation stirred me to ask myself "What is it that would bring me joy in life?"
And I've made a vow to myself to dig deep and try to find it - whatever it might be.
...So, off I go on that quest for joy - I may fall off my horse a few times, and have to joust a few windmills, but if I die trying, at least I will have something to show for my life besides all my properties and farms on facebook. (Ha ha)
Speaking of all that time I have - I am really learning to enjoy that.
I live for the peaceful hours when everyone is at work and school, and I can govern my own hours any way I want.
I have never been one who liked to be stuck home alone all the time - I would rather go and see and do - but I am learning to cherish the quiet and the freedom.
(Good thing, because I'm too poor to shop and too lazy to do anything else! LOL)
I could truly love every aspect of it.... if it weren't for the fact that hubby is working two jobs, and getting none of the rest and peace that I have. It just makes me feel so darn guilty.
Life is out of balance, and it's so not fair.
Enough for today - off in search of dragons. Sancho, bring me my horse...
.
2 comments:
Pat, I too used to have to always be on the run. I hated a quiet house. But I am learning to apreciate the stillness of life! My boys are all going on a 3 day camping trip in April. Brian asked me what I was doing, my reply... sitting at home ALL by myself, in silence and scrapping! He asked why I wasn't going to go hang out with anyone, and I told him, I just wanted to sit in peace and quiet by myself. As a homeschooling mom, the house is never quiet.
Enough Rambling,
Hugs,
Alecia
Exactly. I wouldn't want to be completely alone all the time, but a bit of peace now and then is good for the mind and soul.
(From the book of Pat, for whatever that's worth, LOL)
Thanks for your comment Alecia. :-)
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